1mansroad2recovery

Sharing the ups and downs of overcoming emotional struggles in men

A bit about me…

Why I am here?.

I am a 30 year old (soon to be 31) male, living in the UK. I own a home which i share with my 2 cool as cats. I am yet to have any kids, have never been married despite some serious longterm relationships, and have a job that I enjoy. I have also spent almost the entirety of my life being unable to commit to long lasting and meaningful relationships, communicate my emotions or to find inner peace with myself.  

On a whole my romantic relationships have an all too common theme of self-sabotaging to the point of breakdown, this has been done through either being distanced, complacent, unfaithful, neglectful, selfish or a combination of each. In my other personal relationships, I have been unable to communicate, open up or truly feel close to anyone despite the love of all those around me available to enable me to nurture the best relationships possible. I might have a lot of mates.. but not many friends, and even fewer who would know this side of me and what i am feeling.

I have reached the point in my life now where I recognise these emotions, which for most of my life I hadn’t even detected let alone understood. I don’t consider myself a bad person, but i have done bad things. I am tired of feeling and behaving this way. Carrying the memories of the bad things I have done. Unintentionally hurting people and hurting myself at the same time. Repeating the cycle of chasing acceptance and then losing it all for the exact same reason.

The journey to understand and overcome these feelings and why I have been this way for so long has only really started in the last year for me. Too late some would say, but the important thing is that it starts because what you do today, will get you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.

My reason for writing this blog is fundamentally to help me on my journey, to share my thoughts, feelings and realisations of what I am going through. And I also hope to be able to look back someday to see how far I have come and the progress I’ve made.

So, if you find yourself here, you may also find yourself in a similar position to me. Some of what I write might resonate with you, some might not, we all have our own story and are all making our own journey in life.

But I know I am not alone in how I feel, and if in the process of my journey anything that is spoken about here helps you or brings about a positive change then it’s a bonus, because I wish my younger self had known then what I know now. So feel free to stick around. I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist so I can’t give you big words and fancy jargon, But I am living this….